Saturday, February 20, 2010

In pursuit of perfection.

In the past week i have had a number of emails from blog fans that are all about the same general topic, the idea of the perfect mum.

One fan posted a question on the discussion board of the facebook fan page asking for the definition of a perfect mum.

My definition.....hmmm... well we will get to that later.

It's not a recent thing for mothers expected to be "perfect"......this perfect by definition is,
A mother who:
  • has cute, well behaved children who are are at least perfectly average (read NORMAL) in ever way
  • fitted back into her pre-baby jeans a week after giving birth and boobs that sit where they are supposed to even while wearing a sheer shirt and no bra.
  • has a house that looks like it could be from the pages of better homes and gardens
  • juggles work and home like without one second of being so completely frazzled that she find herself at the shops buying cigarettes even though she "quit" five years ago
  • who never spays perfume on the clothes she wore yesterday so that she can wear them again today
  • Owns matching lingerie and is a minx in the bedroom
  • always has matching socks
  • has time to get her hair done before the re-growth starts making it look like a grey pancake is melting on her head
  • Didn't poop or swear during labour
  • children who are always clean and well dressed and actually wearing real clothes not their superman pj's at mid-day because they refused to take them off
  • a wide social network of other perfect mums just like her who meet fortnightly to compete to see who is the most perfect mum.
  • a loving husband who adores her and they never ever fight, about anything.....ever!

If this is perfect then I'm such a bad mum it isn't maybe a little funny.
I wouldn't want to fall into the above definition of perfect...EVER!

One fan said she was worried about her MIL reporting her to DOC's (social services) because she is a terrible mother because her house isn't always spotless....
Mind you this same mum has a 2.5yo little man and a baby princess. She has a healthy home-made meal on the table for her family every night and the reason her house is because shes spending TIME and playing with her kids rather than being a house maid.

Do you think she sounds like a bad mum?

So confession time.
  • I put dvd's on for giggle girl so i can check my emails
  • I sometimes groan at the idea of reading her the same book again....for the 7th time that day
  • I didn't put up Christmas decorations last year
  • I sometimes don't shower everyday if I'm just chilling at home and I'm not getting dirty and sweaty
  • I am bigger now than i was when i was nine months pregnant
  • I swear.
  • I haven't quit smoking even though I said I would (never around giggle girl, and not while I was pregnant)
  • My hair is staying un-brushed today
  • I don't own socks that match that don't have holes in them.....let alone matching underwear....I have some undies that the elastic has gone in the....but i still wear them
  • I ask giggle girl is she wants to get dressed, most of the time she wants to.....if not.... oh well....her PJ's are cute

  • I play outside with giggle girl, we blow bubbles look at plants and the animals that are around us
  • Her favorite food is strawberries
  • We talk...... as a family, hubby included, about what we have done that day.
  • If she wants my attention 99% of the time she has it immediately when she says mummy.
  • My house might be messy but its clean! The mess its the toys we have played with or the drawings she has been doing. Shes 20 months old....her attention span isn't very long...which is good....neither is mine some days
  • We read together, and daddy reads to her before bed.
  • She is offered a variety of food, and most of the time she eats it, or will at least try it
  • She is a safe secure loving environment, she is feed, clothes and may not be with designer bands....buts shes 20 months old....!!
So my definition of a perfect mum....... YOU!
If you are reading this.....even while the TV is on to distract the offspring...You are spending your downtime thinking about your kids, you are researching things on parenting, you are looking at different ideas.
So i think you are doing a damned fine job

What do you think the definition of a perfect mother is?

Love and Smiles

P.S If you are every having a day when you feel like a bad mum have a look at this will feel so much better! :)


Nichole said...

thank you! i needed that...

Squishy Bum Mum said...

:) glad it made you feel better Nichole!

Sarah said...

Thank you for your post! In great honesty i truly know deep down im not a bad mother. Im not perfect i make huge mistakes everyday! But i love my children they are truly blessing. Everyday that goes by im greatful to have a roof over there head, food on the plates sometimes it's just beans on toast, nappies on there bubs, sometimes it is just home brand as i cant afford the huggies this weeek, shoes on there feet clothes on there backs. Always smiles on there faces. xoxo

Anonymous said...

The whole concept of the perfect mother is insane! I think that this myth was brought about by men and their mothers to keep women from feeling confidant about themselves. My ex constantly critisized evrything I did, from the house, weight gain to how i brought up the kids. (while he, spent every spare moment on the golf course). Not working and being financially dependent also seemed to give him the feeling of power. So i got a job and left.

Who is perfect? Not me, not my Mum however she raised 3 hardworking adults who respect others. How boring is perfection anyway? I hope my kids make, mistakes then they will learn (i'll always be there to help)

Let them work themselves into the ground being perfect, I have 4 kids who love me, even if the house is untidy, and i don't have organic soup bubbling away. No ones perfect and what they are hiding may be alot scarier than dirty dishes. Be who you are and stop trying to live up to unrealistic expectation.

Great blog btw